I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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