now i know why i became what i already was.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize