1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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