one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize