We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize