I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize