So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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