she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Text me some of your sweat
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize