I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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