I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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