i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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