Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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