anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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