Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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