I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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