This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize