At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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