did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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