the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
COCAINE IS GR8
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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