i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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