uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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