This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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