Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize