Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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