So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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