A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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