Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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