i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize