I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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