She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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