lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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