I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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