I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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