My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize