Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize