That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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