Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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