If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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