My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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