ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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