Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize