My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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