everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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