6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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