If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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