I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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