the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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