you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
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You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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