i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize