i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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